Why Can't I Cry

This is a hybrid Memoir/Novella. It covers what it was like to turn 80, become a widow, and move into an unfamiliar independent living facility away from family in another state, all during Covid. Some events in this book are true to what happened and others are speculation based on both introspection and observations of many other older women still taking care of a spouse or recently widowed.


Grief is handled differently by each individual yet many of us expect ourselves to cry and be rendered paralyzed. Yet sometimes we can be surprised that our bodies and hearts react differently than we expect and we wonder why! I had ovarian cancer 13 years ago. Writing and painting helped me survive cancer as demonstrated by other books I've authored. With painting, my feelings were expressed spontaneously. With writing, understanding my feelings required much self reflection, research and observation.

Through writing, I begin to understand myself better, to draw upon previously used tools to enhance my resilience, and hopefully to share my experience with other women going through some of the same things like caretaking.